Imposter Syndrome

Have any of you felt like you weren’t sure whether you were good enough?  Like all of a sudden, you weren’t sure you had it in you to be whatever you had decided to be.  All I had wanted to be for most of my life was a teacher, then, for reasons beyond my control I had to look for alternatives.  I believed and still believe that I am a capable teacher, not just because of my qualifications – although, that definitely helps – but because I have worked in classrooms as a volunteer, as a practice teacher, as a supply teacher, etc.  I have all the experience telling me it is true.  I CAN TEACH! I am good at getting to know my students, at understanding where they are struggling, what makes them interested, and what can help them be successful.

As an emerging writer, a newbie, a person with no credentials screaming “she can do this” and little experience to back up the idea — how do I convince myself that this is possible? How do I know that I can become a writer, that there may be an audience looking forward to my stories, a reader just waiting to read my book?

You would think that having a mentor who believes in you, friends, family, a critique group telling you that you can do this would be enough.  You would think that I could believe them, even if I can’t believe myself. Sometimes I do, I believe them for awhile.  I actually think, this is possible, I have found my calling.

Then, out of nowhere, a shadow of doubt falls across the page, my words start to look silly, contrived, boring, and my belief wavers.  I start to think, this is a joke, I am not capable of writing books, stories, poems, articles; heck, I don’t even know if this blog is worth while.   What right do I have to believe that any of this is possible for me?  Who am I to think that I can be a writer that anybody ever knows about?  Where does that audacity come from?

I worry that I am making a laughing stock of myself.  Last thing I need right now is to be making a mistake that turns whatever reputation I had into something for a comedy sketch.  I want to find a path that leads me toward…something.

Anyway, let’s chalk this post up to late night musings. Pondering the pitfalls of trying something new.

It doesn’t hurt to keep working away on something, as it is with practice that we learn and grow.  With any luck, I will learn to keep the imposter at bay and allow the writer to grow.

If any of you have had similar musings, feel free to share what you have done to move forward.

 

Writing Environment

When it comes to writing, you can essentially write anywhere. However, as you move forward with writing as a career and require time for the work, where you write can become a concern.

Since I started writing short stories and my novel, I have been trying to figure out my ideal environment.  Let’s just say that this is still a work in progress.   I have tried writing at home, but that doesn’t seem to work for me, I need to get out of the house.  It has been alright for blogging and doing my networking, but anything of length, I find that leaving the house helps.  

I have tried working in Tim Hortons, of which there is no shortage in Kawartha Lakes.   I have tried a few different Tim Hortons locations to see which ones are busy and which ones are quiet.  I have also tried independent coffee shops.  

I also enjoy on cooler days, to take a coffee (okay, so it is an iced cappuccino because I don’t do coffee) to the river and write.  Being near nature is known to help get the creative juices flowing.  I like the river location, however, it is now in the middle of summer and too hot to spend much time outdoors.

I am looking forward to going to a location full of promise with a couple of friends this summer, we are planning a trip to LM Montgomery’s house.  Eeek!  I am so excited.  I have loved the works of LM Montgomery since I was a child, and to think of doing some possible writing in the same area is beyond cool. Maud wrote some of the most endearing, lasting characters of all time.  Anne, Emily, Gilbert, Uncle Jimmy, etc… I can’t wait to see the house she lived in and wrote some of her most successful works.

As of now, I am working out of a portable office.  I carry a large tote bag (with strips of owl material, yay) with all my writing supplies.  I have writing books, notebooks, the novel I am currently reading and my bullet journaling supplies. One day I might have an office of my own, where I can sit with an organized library of books, notebooks, my computer, and comfy furniture.  For now, this portable office thing seems to be working.
Please, let me know what you have for a writing environment.  

My Interview with Kawartha Lakes Writers Network

With the publishing of #KLStories, I was invited to take part in an interview.  Here are a couple of the questions and answers:

What is your story about?
My story, Rough Justice, is the account of an elderly man trying to balance the scales and [his] concern for his grown daughter’s well-being.

What inspired you to write this story?
When writing the story, I knew I wanted to write about a conflict that dealt with socio-economic issues. I also wanted to look at how pervasive technology has become in today’s society.

 

To read the full interview check out the the Kawartha Lakes Writers Network website by clicking the link, #KLStories Interview.

Work in Progress

A friend of mine asked whether I’ve had any luck with the short story project we are working on – another anthology is in the works, this time the theme is Winter/Christmas.  I have had an idea for the story, with several pages written; unfortunately, over the past few weeks I have not been working on that story. I have been working on my other projects.  This is disappointing to me in some ways, I was on a roll with the winter story, I knew what I was trying to accomplish and I felt connected to the main character.  However, the projects that have been getting my attention are progressing. I have written a large chunk of a short story that I am writing for a contest, a few chapters done for my novel and several blog posts.

Anyway, my friend explained that she had been struggling to come up with the right storyline, one that she felt comfortable pursuing.  The struggle is not unknown to me, I had gone through a period of writer’s block not that long ago.  For those of you that do not believe in writer’s block, what I am referring to is a period where nothing I wrote generated any “flow” or creative interest.  I had become so critical of my words that I wasn’t writing much.

In the hopes of helping my friend with her writing issue, I offered the following advice:

I think the important thing is to be true to you.

I meant that the storyline should resonate with her personally.  If she is invested in the topic, it will be a passion project which will come through her writing and probably captivate her audience.   We discussed a few topics and sure enough we seemed to have found something for her to pursue.   Yay!  I am now eager to find out what she comes up with…I’m not being pushy, I am encouraging!  🙂

Creative Outlets Beyond Writing

I am taking a couple of courses through the Kawartha Lakes Library’s online Gale courses.  I have Advanced Fiction and Creativity Training for Writers.

The homework for week one of Creativity for Writers is to read about writing and creativity.  In doing this, I have also been considering my various outlets for creative expression.  I do all the following for my own personal enjoyment and creative growth.

Photography

Sewing

A few years ago now, I found a YouTube video about how to make a sock puppy.  I took it as a challenge.  I decided that I would try to make the sock puppy.  I have no sewing machine and the materials needed weren’t so extensive.  I made the sock puppy and it turned out pretty good.  After that, I set about making other toys.  I have now made quite a few different types of toys and pillows.  One of my favourite things to make is the owl.   The one in the picture was made by request from a friend of mine.  I thought it turned out really well, and I love the bow tie.

Colouring

The adult colouring book craze has hit hard.   I even follow one of the best colouring book creators on Facebook, Johanna Basford.  At first I was skeptical about how creative and interesting it would be; however, I have to admit that it is a nice relaxing hobby. I have coloured my way through at least two colouring books over the past couple of years.   I have even become a bit particular about the tools, the pencil crayons I prefer are artistic quality like Staedtler.

Bullet Journaling

A recent outlet is not only creative, but also productive. I have become a bullet journaler, journalist, journal hobbyist.  I am not sure what the proper term is for the person taking up the activity of bullet journaling.   Handwriting, doodles, plans, tracking and more goes into this outlet.  There is an online community for bullet journaling which is lots of fun to check out.  I became interested in this by watching a YouTube video by Boho Berry.

 

Goodreads slow down

(July 14)Gah!  I am falling behind in my reading. Over the past few weeks I have been stepping up my writing and slowed down on my reading.  According to Goodreads, I am 2 books behind schedule.  I have a few books on the go right now, I read every day, but I am having trouble staying on track with my goal of 52 books in 2016.

This goal of 52 books was made because I had lagged behind for a few years after graduating university, it was like I was experiencing burn out.  I didn’t have any interest in reading books, mostly I read blogs, articles and magazines.  The past couple of years I have added books back into my reading habits.  I am trying to step it up though, constantly challenging myself.

I have loved reading ever since I was a child.  It was something that was a natural part of my life, I almost always had multiple books on the go.

Goodreads

Quick update (July 17): I am still 2 books behind, however, that is with having finished a book.  This means that I am no further behind this week.  Yay!

Resources

As stated before, I do enjoy learning from people who are in the know. I like learning from their experience.  Nevertheless, I am also the type to seek additional information. There is a multitude of resources available on topics of all kinds.  When working on my writing, I was compelled to look for books.  One of my favourite resources when searching for books is Goodreads.

Goodreads enables its users to look up specific titles, authors, subjects and more.  I love the recommendations that friends are able to send to one another. Best of all, I enjoy using the tracking aspect of the site and app.  I track the books that I have read, give them ratings and occasionally write a review. It also tracks my to be read list which always grows, and my currently reading list (I always have more than one book on the go).

Two books that I enjoyed reading in order to learn more about the craft of writing are:

Wonderbook: The Illustrated Guide to Creating Imaginative Fiction

Crafting Novels & Short Stories: The Complete Guide to Writing Great Fiction

Beyond reading about the craft of writing, it is also helpful to read books that belong to the same genre as well as other genres.  This exposure to the work of other authors is useful in appreciating the finished product.  I am working on reading 52 books this year, that does not include magazines, blogs and web articles that I read.

 

What I’ve accomplished so far…

So, I started committing myself to writing back in November 2015, not that long ago really.  With help and support, I decided I needed to make something happen for myself. As a qualified teacher that hasn’t found work as a teacher 5 years after graduating, it was time to do something different.  Not to say that I don’t still have a passion for education, that will always be a part of who I am, just won’t let “Teacher” be my identity anymore.

Joining my local writer’s group, the Kawartha Lakes Library Circle of Writers was one of the first steps. This group has become so important to me. For one thing, it has allowed me to become more sociable, having found others with a common interest.  I have also edited three books, so far, for friends from the Circle of Writers. It has provided me with work, purpose, a focus and greater motivation. This group enables all of us to present work, to share ideas, to support one another in the process of writing/publishing.

As a Mentee, something that means a great deal to me, I am learning from someone who has experience in this career.  I find that it helps to learn from those that have been through the process. I have worked on approximately six chapters in five months (with five months to go). Also, we have worked together on editing a short story, which I have submitted to a contest (cross your fingers for me). We have shared our reading habits and recommendations. I am always up for a chat about books. For example, I recently finished reading this incredible book called “A Man Called Ove”.  It is a lovely novel about a grumpy older man who is stubborn, old fashioned and decides that he is no longer relevant in the world.  Unfortunately for him, there are a few interesting characters that come along to prove that he still has plenty to offer.  I found it to be emotionally moving, funny, sarcastic, awkward, and delightful.  There is something to be said for the curmudgeons of the world.

Recently, I was published in an anthology, as mentioned in a previous post. So as not to repeat myself too much, I want to address where that has taken me.  Since the book has become available, I have become a bit of a marketing machine. I have tried to assist Sara in any way that I can to ensure the book’s success.  I helped get the word spread around the area regarding the book launch, and have posted information about the book and where it can be purchased. Sara and myself have worked on trying to get a hashtag trending about the book, #KLStories, in addition to #ReadTheNorth.   We are attempting to get people to submit photos of them reading the book on Social Media.  Hence, I decided to become more familiar with Twitter, in an effort to broaden the reach of our work.

I have become more bold since deciding to become a writer, something that I haven’t considered myself in a long time.  I network a great deal, speak to people that I don’t know, talk about my writing pursuits and “push” where I wouldn’t have in the past.

There is still a long way to go, but hopefully I am on the right track.

In terms of my current work, I am writing a short story for another contest, a short story for the next anthology and continuing with my novel.  The two short stories have been coming together well.

Web Presence

In this work as a writer, I have tried to amp up my overall web presence.  This was something that I had started doing since I became a qualified teacher, but found difficult without any regular teaching practice.  Now that I have regular work to do with regards to my writing, I have taken my web presence to a new level.

I have been on Facebook for a number of years, using it to keep in touch with family and friends. I started to also use it to follow pages that I found interesting including authors, publishers, teaching resources, bloggers, etc. Now, I have also begun using it to market items that I value, my friends’ books, contests that might be of interest to my friends and family, and the progress I am making as a writer.

Twitter was a social network that I didn’t understand, I tend towards detail instead of concise writing.  How am I supposed to summarize my thoughts to such a miniscule word count?  Over the last little while, I have heard how important Twitter is to writers and marketing purposes, so I have started to utilize it with more regularity.

Goodreads is a social platform that I not only love, but fully appreciate its purpose.  I am able to track my reading, the books I have read, the ones I want to read and all the books I have on-the-go right now.  I am also loving that I can recommend reads to my friends, check out what they are reading and follow my favourite authors.  It is also thanks to Goodreads that I have a writing mentor these days. Sylvia McNicoll and I reconnected because of Goodreads, it had been more than a decade since I last saw her.

For me, Pinterest is not really a social network, rather it is a curating tool.  I use it to collect ideas that vary in type and purpose.

It is my hope that I am able to use the various social media platforms to better reach out to potential readers and to continue broadening my writing network.

The Writing Community

Today, I travelled to Peterborough for the purpose of picking out a journal to start Bullet Journalling; however, when I began checking out the writing magazines, I met a fellow writer. The writer that I met is self published and writes non-fiction.  One of her books is about having a son with Autism.  We spoke about writing and about Autism while standing in front of the magazine rack for approximately 20 minutes. It was such a nice chat.  I have found that since November 2015, when I decided to start writing and pursuing a new career, that the people within the writing community are friendly, encouraging and welcoming.

If you are interested in becoming a writer, I would highly recommend joining your local community of writers, or a Circle of Writers. We are fortunate to have two Circles of Writers, one for teens and one for adults.  I have assisted with the teen Circle and regularly participate in the adult Circle.

It is because of a friend that I decided to make the leap, she had asked me to read one of her manuscripts; afterwards, she asked me if I was a writer.  At the time, I had a couple of short stories and an idea for a novel. I shared my short story with her and she was very encouraging.  I decided to take the next step and joined the Kawartha Lakes Library Circle of Writers. It has been well worth it to belong to that group. The next step was to write a letter to Sylvia McNicoll. Sylvia is an author who came to my school when I was around 11 years old, she facilitated a workshop which I found inspiring. I wrote her a letter to thank her and to let her know that I was still writing. I asked her a couple of questions about how she does her writing and eventually we made arrangements to work together on a mentorship through CSARN.

Sylvia and I

My mentorship with Sylvia has been going since March of this year, though we met beforehand at her house to discuss our plan. I have been working on rewriting my novel and I revised my short story, which had started things.  The short story has now been submitted to the CANSCAIP children’s story contest.  Crossing my fingers that it does well. I would really like to see it become a picture book.

Speaking of books, my friend Sara Walker, published an Anthology which includes stories from several Kawartha Lakes authors. The book is called Kawartha Lakes Stories and it seems to be doing pretty well. My contribution to the Anthology is a story called “Rough Justice”. Sara also has two other books available for sale, Catching a Sorcerer and Adrenaline Rush. I helped with the editing of Adrenaline Rush. Both are fun reads.

Contributing Writers of Kawartha Lakes Stories (& Sara Walker; Cathy Hamill-Hill was absent)

The contacts and friends made through this process are awesome. It is with their help that I have developed stronger skills (public speaking, networking, editing, writing, etc.). I am lucky to be a part of such a community.